So here I am, embarking on blogging about what I consider one of the biggest challenges and gifts of my existence- life with manic depressive illness. Part of me feels unsure and uncomfortable about doing this, but my hope is that somehow someone may stumble on some helpful information here, read something that makes them feel less alone in their experience, or that they may have additional useful comments to share. And, hopefully there will be plenty of posts here to induce laughter, and that are seriously less than serious.
Mania in my case has definitely forced me to lighten up a whole lot, being that I have made a bigger fool of myself than I could ever have imagined, and if I didn't laugh about my outrageous behavior, I would certainly die of embarrassment. Meds, of course, will be covered here, great joy that they are. I am 5 years into my love/hate relationship with them, finally convinced that unfortunately I can not do without them, no matter how hard and what alternative treatments I did try. I paid the high price of hospitalization 3 times before even coming to terms with accepting my diagnosis, and I hear that's not uncommon.
I have experiences with this, but only at a superficial level. I could shock you with some of my father's behavior, but I don't want you to think I'm projecting my experiences onto you. He was never diagnosed, which made his actions all the more troubling since we were always trying to figure out the origins of his behavior. Apparently, his marathon bouts of rage were more about reliving past experiences and current grievances. Even though his rages were terrifying, he had a sense of obligation and a need for things to be correct....it was too demanding. It needed compromise. We, his family, needed a sense of peace.
ReplyDeleteMy father is 80 years old now. You wouldn't believe he was capable of the behavior he exhibited when he was younger. That's the real strange thing. How time changes us.
I believe a lot of our behavior is based on a sense of catharsis. We all have a need to purge ourselves. There's no shame in that.
I always find practicing having a gentle spirit more enlightening.....acceptance seems to be at the heart.
I'm not going to be in denial of it anymore. That affected me a great deal. So, I had to develop my own concepts and philosophies, because that visceral behavior didn't work for me.
ReplyDelete