Manic Depression is at times very difficult to cope with and in those moments of struggle, could be considered a terrible gift. But it is a gift, for it also holds within it a life experienced with an intensity known to few. It is a life of poetic heights and valleys, of immense joy and profound suffering and in it lies the potential for a deep investigation of one's very existence.

Dear Vincent,

One thing I have noticed is that it can be very difficult to distinguish between mental and physical well- being, or, unwell-being. If happy, the body feels strong, if manic, the body, not just the mind has boundless energy and capacity for physical activity. Never have I been as flexible in Yoga class, as when hypomanic. My whole being buzzes with joy when I feel well. On the flip side of course lies depression, and frequently bi-polar depression is expressed in form of horrible, horrible fatigue and lack of any energy. When I am depressed I mentally have to whip myself to get out bed, into the shower, to work, etc. When I am depressed I need an inner drill sergeant to be able to function. Mailing a letter becomes an insurmountable obstacle and a trip to the grocery store like crossing the river Hades. Those times are dreaded, they are so exhausting and require so much effort, so much invested energy, where there simply is none. These depressions are tearless, they are awful, flat and hopeless, all of which is also reflected in how the entire body feels- heavy, aching and exhausted. And there is the catch- if the body feels heavy, exhausted and aching, it could be a terrifying precurser to sliding into depression. Other people might assume they are sick, go to bed and take their temperature. Not me. Because of this particular brain chemistry I initially assume my unwellness is related to depression, or medication side effects. And I try to tough it out, I keep pushing myself to try and overcome whatever is going on and it will take me a minimum of a week to figure out that I am sick. With a fever. And that my symptoms weren't those of feared depression, but flu..... I wonder how common this is.